Beer Review: Unicorns Stomping Lanternflies (Saucony Creek Brewing Company)
Ok…. first off…. let me begin by getting something off my chest: in no uncertain terms F^#& Lanternflies! Straight up. From whatever demonic level of Dante’s hell they came from, they can head right back there. F&*!& them. Hard.
Deep breath.
Sigh.
Deep breath.
Sigh.
1…. 2….. 3….. 4….. Serenity Now.
Ok. Better, lets move on!
This review is one of irony / juxtaposition / bad coincidence / happenstance / or some other kind of term that I’m lacking the knowledge of or remembering that could aptly fit. Not really in a pleasant or good way either unfortunately. This is part of the ‘recognization’ issue of psychology (to some degree). Where, once you buy a Yellow Truck (lets say)… you suddenly start to notice every other Yellow Truck on the road, where before you never noticed them, and you now start to think they are everywhere.
But, given that these little buggers are an infestation, it goes a bit above that. Or a bit beyond that. They are definitely now everywhere in the area. Unfortunately. And detrimentally so too. So its no surprise that I’ve now begun to “see them all over the place”, sadly. I will be doing an article soon on spotted lanternflies, and ways to spot them, get rid of them, kill them, and report them. So be sure to look out for that soon.
Wednesday I had gotten the EO (early out) from work, stopped at the Hershey Public Library to pick up some books (said books in picture above) and around 2:30 sat down to enjoy a nice cold adult beverage while reading. Deciding to crack my last remaining ‘Unicorns Stomping Lanternflies’ that I had picked up from our Reading Trip back on my birthday.
Used my new Brew Barons glass I had gotten from the Brew Barons app (review forthcoming), and sat and read Ta-Nehisi Coates’ “Between The World and Me” and Fight Club 3 by Chuck Palahniuk.
Here, I will do the review, after the beer review, stay tuned for why I say its (sadly) ironic / coincidental / unfortunate juxtaposition / or some other term that is currently alluding me but is on the tip of my tongue (I believe its a French term similar to deja vu). (I think you probably have an idea of what I’m getting at though).
Beer: Unicorns Stomping Lanternflies
Brewery: Saucony Creek Brewing Company
Style: IPA – New England
ABV: 7.5%
IBU: None
Untappd Description: The return of Unicorns Stomping Lanterflies – crushable NEIPA with a blend of hops giving a sunny citrus shine and subtle soft sweetness brings a perfect pint of bug slaying delight.
Color is a nice yellow to golden hazy hue. It has everything that looks just like an IPA (New England variant) should have. Beautiful golden, hazy look it; a nice foamy rich creamy white head to it; dispersed bubbles, varying sizes, everything a well crafted beer should have. It looks like a beer you want to drink…. so why… not … drink it?
Lets get to the aroma before we dive in… act like we’re actually beer connoisseurs and not just drunkards or something. This smells juicy, it smells citrusy, smells slightly mango, but lots of juicy citrus hop notes. This smells like a beer you want to drink… so… why not…. drink it?
Ok… lets drink it. DAMN. This is crushable. This is juice and delicious and easy to quench a thirst. A four pack of this goes down super quick (I can give testament to that). Its perfect sipping, or quick drinking, or just a fun beer to enjoy. Great sitting out, reading and enjoying a beautiful day, or… for slaying stupid dumb lanternflies. It is a juicy New England IPA, through and through, very heavy citrus notes, heavy mango notes, heavy hop juice, but no hop bite (typical for a New England IPA). Some notes of pine, but very mellow, a little bit of grassyness (or should I just say grass? or does that make people think of weed?), some Earthy tones, and notes, but mostly, this is just a well rounded hoppy juicy drinkable / crushable brew. Its a 7.5%, which isn’t extreme, but higher than some IPAs people might be used to, though in the Harrisburg – Hershey Central PA area, it’s the same as Perpetual IPA (though with Perpetual IPA’s hop bite, I think its easier to take notice of the ABV than in a juicy New England IPA like this). They didn’t have this on tap when we were there at the Franklin Station brewery, but we did pick these up in cans, and out of can its wonderful. I imagine its just as delicious on tap.
My Untappd Rating: ****
Global Untappd Rating: 3.95 (as of 10.2.20)
Ok… now… moving past the review, to why I was saying its coincidental (in a bad way), the very next day, Thursday morning, 10.1.20 I came outside, and saw a dead lanternfly in a my rain barrel’s top (it has a closed container and then a top to collect some water in a puddle type thing for if you wish to keep a plant there), my rain barrel is right next to my grape vines, and when I looked at them… they were crawling with the little buggers everywhere. I leapt into action! I took pictures, I charted them and reported them to the Department of Agriculture, and I killed all of them that I saw. Shoes, lighters, everything. Burned them, swatted them, smashed them, stamped them. I was the Unicorn of Death reigning hellfire and brimstone upon these evil buggers.
I ended up cutting my grape vine back (something you should do every year, but this year I did it a bit more severely than I normally do), due to them. Luckily, in my front yard, where I keep my two hop arbors, I saw no lanternflies on my hops or the arbors, or just in the yard area. This is only about 20-30 feet from the grape vine where I found the lanternflies.
Here’s some pictures of my grape vine, and my smashing of said lanternflies:
For lunch before hiking I stopped at Troegs Craft Brewery in Hershey. While there enjoying a flight (Impending Descent, Master of Pumpkins, Hop Harvest, and Hop Cyclone), myself and the one server / waiter killed about four or five of them. Shawn Funk, a member of the Central PA Whalerz who works for Troegs said that the construction by the train tracks (located behind the brewery) has roused them up and brought them towards the brewery.
I spent Thursday hiking Swatara State Park, heading to Bordner’s Cabin on Bear Hole Trail, and seeing the trickling waterfall. While there, they had paperwork in quite a few places about lanternflies. On the trail, I only found two of them at one spot, and promptly stepped on both (they also were both dead already it appears). A few days before this, at the Casino in Grantville I saw a few in the parking lot as well. So they are definitely in the Dauphin County area. I have heard lots of reports that Lebanon County is completely swarmed with them. So be on the lookout!
Report any find you find (dead or alive) to the Department of Agriculture. Kill and smash and kill and smash all you see…. oh, and did I say, kill and smash? Do it. Kill. And. Smash. All. All. ALL. Of. Them.
I will most likely be putting up an article about Spotted Lanternflies in the near future, so be on the lookout for that, and certainly be on the lookout for them! Evil, destructive buggers!
In the meantime, go have a cold delicious beer, and cheers!
-B. Kline
